Change is inevitable.
We all know it. We can’t stop it.
My question is always, “how do I deal with it?”
The answer is usually, “not well.”
This last month has been all about exploring how to deal with change for me. For the first time in 7 years, I have a roommate. This change has been very challenging for me. Painful in fact.
So painful that for a couple of weeks, I wasn’t sleeping. Everything was at odds with how I had lived my life for the last 7 years. I felt like my world was being invaded and I could do nothing about it. I made excuses not to go home even though home is my only sanctuary. These were my thoughts and actions through that first couple of weeks.
Then, I began to get used to the change. I began to find my footing again in my own home and felt better about cooking and being in the shared spaces instead of hiding in my room. I felt like I was getting a handle on a new status quo and that I had reached a good place. One where I could feel comfortable in my own home.
And then, curveball. My home is now filled with stuff. And it isn’t my stuff. I think I haven’t been this angry in a very long time. I have been working for months to get rid of clutter in my house and streamline to just the things that bring me joy. I still have some to do, but I had made real progress in cleaning up. And it felt amazing to have the clutter gone. My thoughts were clearer, and my house had such a calming effect on me. It was an amazing feeling. So, I was angry with all this stuff that had invaded. I had to sit with my anger for the entire night. Today, I am thinking much clearer.
My coach gave me this analogy today. I am going through growing pains. They are painful, uncomfortable. But they are a part of the growing. I am tall, and I remember the pains that happened when I was younger and would grow. My legs would scream in pain. That pain always ended when the growth was over and I turned into the tall woman I am today.
After being anxious, and then really angry at all this change, I have come to realize that this change is what I need to grow. To learn. To become the person who writes her own stories and lives her life unapologetically.
There is a place for every feeling that I have.
I am learning. How to set boundaries. How to say no. How to design my life.
I am growing. Into a compassionate person. Into a loving person.
I am becoming the person I want to be. That becoming is going to be painful. There will be change, and the change will lead to growth which always has a little pain.
But I am ready for the pain, because I am ready to grow.
Bring it on!