I am kind of freaking out. Nervous. Excited.
She is in Colorado, and it seemed kinda stupid not to meet, but I am not sure that I am ready for this. I started the search just to get medical info. I always knew that I might find a family, but I don’t think I ever really understood what that meant. I had seen in my past, an adoptee who left her adoptive family entirely and made her bio-family her only family. I had seen bio-families completely reject the adoptee and have no contact with them. And I have seen some who have blended everything really well. So, I never really had an expectation of anything coming out of the search.
I think I have also said that I am not the best at opening up to new people and making friends. I have known my closest friends for over 25 years, and we have some very tight bonds. So, it is hard for me to bring new people into my life. I am an introvert, and these things just don’t come easy.
And, I don’t know that I know how to be a friend or a sister from a whole country away. That is the other part that is hard for me. When I lived in Florida, I struggled to keep a strong connection to all those that I knew in Colorado. I sometimes think that one of the reasons this whole blog started was that I just needed a way to keep a connection going.
So, I am really balancing a whole bunch of emotions right now and trying to get them all to calm down. I don’t know how to feel. And I am sure she is feeling the same way. She has known I existed a lot longer than I have known she existed. I don’t know if that helps or hurts.
And since I just can’t even keep my thoughts together this morning, the blog is short today.
I may have a second one later in the week once I have had time to process. So stay tuned. 🙂