My air conditioner lost its cool this week. It blew room temperature air and not cold air for the whole week until someone could come out and fix it.
For a Fibro sufferer, the temp around them can really affect how they feel. For me, heat is a no-no. It saps my energy quicker than anything. So I spent the whole week devising ways to keep cool in my own house.
Thankfully, it is fixed now, and I am back to living in a cooler house.
But with an extra two days off this week due to the July 4th holiday, I spent a lot of time in my house just trying to stay cool. There was a lot of reading and contemplating because both of those require minimal movement and I would stay cooler that way.
Some of that contemplating was because I just lost a friend. I think when you go through a loss like that, you look at that person’s life, and you think about your own life too. It is almost a forced reflection.
This week also included meeting up with friends and chatting. A memorial event where I saw people I haven’t seen in 20-25 years. And lots and lots of talking about the loss and the life of my friend.
So, while I was sitting in my house trying to stay cool, I was reflecting on all of that.
It was hard to think of my friend because he lived life so fully, and I often feel like I am not really living my life fully. I will often stay away from events because of crowds or traffic. Even today, I am trying to convince myself to go to a football game, even though the seats won’t be great, the traffic will be crazy, and there will be a large crowd. Because I love college football and I really do enjoy watching it. But it is taking some convincing for sure.
I just really started thinking about how I live my life and what makes me happy over these last few days.
I realized a few things.
- Familiarity is what makes us comfortable. If I think back to how I was when I was growing up, I spent a lot of time alone. I often played alone because there weren’t a lot of kids in my neighborhood. I learned to love books in the fourth grade and would spend days alone reading. It made me very comfortable being alone. So now, I love spending time alone. Spending a day by myself reading a book makes me happy.
- Living your best life doesn’t mean you have to be doing something all the time. I don’t have to be going to tailgate parties or concerts all the time to be living my best life. My best life might include a trip to a cabin for the weekend to just disconnect or might just be watching a kiddo enjoy the heck out of themselves while playing a game. Or, it might just be sitting on my patio watching the dragonflies in the evening. Everything I do doesn’t need to include a Facebook post with pictures of what just happened.
- Comparison lies to me. This is really the truth. When I start comparing my life to other people’s lives, I lose. Because my life will never be their life. There are so many different circumstances in everyone’s life that I should never be comparing what I am doing to what others are doing. This is the hardest thing for me to do, especially with social media, but I find that if I don’t compare, I am happier.
So, I made a decision to do things that make me happy in my life. This will be how I live my life to the fullest. Even if it means I just read three books in a weekend, I am living my life in a way that makes me happy, and that is all I can do. I am going to stop beating myself up for not doing all the things I see people doing on Facebook or Instagram. I will be a work in progress, but I am going to try very hard just to be me.
I hope that you too will figure out what helps you just to be you and be happy. Go, do those things! I wish you all the happiness in the world. 🙂