I spent part of yesterday with people I love, but I realized today that I was pretty focused on myself when I was there.
I didn’t ask to see pics of their recent vacation.
I didn’t ask how the kids were doing in school or activities.
I was so entirely focused in my own head, that I really wasn’t present with these people that I love.
I always beat myself up when I do this. Because I want to be better. I want to be a better friend to my friends.
I am also sure that my friend did not notice this at all. We had a good time carving pumpkins and roasting pumpkin seeds. We had a nice dinner and played with the kiddos. So, it was a great evening together.
So, why do I do this to myself? Why do I put all this pressure on myself? I think it goes back to a conversation with a friend many, many years ago. She gave me feedback that all I ever do is talk about myself and never listen to her. I internalized that feedback, and I have never let it go. And now, I almost always feel like I am talking too much about me and not listening enough.
I am pretty sure that one of the reasons I do this blog now is so I can talk all about me. I am also hoping that some of you will resonate with what is happening with me, and you will be able to do something with it in your lives. Even though I will still enjoy writing and talking all about me.
Does that make me selfish? I feel like it kinda does.
I don’t want to be selfish. I want to think about others first. I want to be empathetic. I am just not sure if I know how to do that.
I am going to try to be better going forward. But I am going to try to be gentle with myself. Maybe if I can practice on me, I will do better with others.
That is all I have this week. I hope that all of you are doing well, and you are being gentle with yourself. Have a good week.