I am having trouble staying positive these days.
I am working hard.
I am spending my weekends sewing masks.
I am not reading, or binge-watching, or even taking long walks.
I need to find a better way.
My body is hurting.
My head is spinning.
I can’t keep it all together.
I have read articles by experts that say this is normal. That we are all experiencing a shared trauma, and I should expect to feel this way. They say that it is normal to feel stressed out, normal to not be able to focus on anything. Normal.
I don’t feel normal. I came into all of this thinking that much of my life wouldn’t change. I didn’t eat out all that much before. I didn’t do a bunch of outside activities. I spent most of my time in my house anyway. So why does it feel like everything has changed?
Truth be told, I chose to sew masks because I felt that I could help people in that way. But, I am finding them much more difficult than I thought. I am making mistakes and getting frustrated. I am seeing people do this much faster than I am doing it. And I find myself in that comparison trap of “why can’t I do this like they do this?”
I don’t want to be this way. So, every Sunday, I do a little re-set. I take time, I meditate. I get myself ready for the week. And I feel good. I am convinced that this week will be better. And by Friday, I am a wreck, and the positivity is gone. I am in the hole again.
I am grateful that I am safe at home. I am grateful that my friends and family are well, and they are safe at home. I try to focus on that. I try to focus on the people I am helping with the masks. These are the things that keep me from sliding completely into the hole.
All of that to tell you that I am probably not going to write the blog for the next few weeks (probably most of May). I am going to refocus on finding my positivity. I am going to work on helping others but also finding time for me. I am going to try to figure out how to better use my time, so I don’t feel so overwhelmed. So, I invite you to follow me on social media, because I know I will be doing things over there. I have been tweeting more these days because I find the little bite-sized pieces easier to write. I know many of you are on Facebook, so look to my stories more often than posts, I again tend to find them easier to do than a full post. Same with Instagram. I hope to see you all there, and if I get great inspiration, I will be back here. Stay tuned 🙂