My birthday is this week.
I will be 45.
It is not a big milestone birthday, but I still remember on my fortieth birthday how I had all kinds of big plans for where I would be when I turned 45. Funny how things change. Even in just one year.
One year ago, I was in a new job that I didn’t like. I was running a business that had no clients and was taking up way too much of my time. I was in fact, working more than I was living. Not seeing my friends as often as I would like and not enjoying my simple pleasures like sewing or college football. I was pretty unhappy in the world.
Fast forward a year later and so much has changed. I love my job and the work I am doing to help others in the world. I closed my business because it wasn’t the right thing for me. And I am enjoying life so much more now. I see my friends, I do my hobbies and I just generally enjoy life. I am happy.
As you can see, a lot changed in that one year. A lot happened in that one year too.
I was diagnosed with exhaustion and depression over the winter. I had an injury to my arm that just exposed those conditions and it took months to dig myself out of the hole I was in mentally. There was (and still is) therapy and coaching. People who remind me that my brain is lying to me. I am not a worthless waste of space. I am an infinite being of light and love, and I am supposed to be here. My arm is still healing because healing when you have Fibro takes forever. Or at least it feels like forever. But I am doing the work and day by day, I am getting better and stronger. It is just a matter of time before I will be back to full strength.
So, the journey has been long this year.
The fight has been real this year.
But I am winning because I am happy. I am grateful. I want to live life.
And the goals that I set five years ago were not met. I am not even sure there is even a piece of them that fits my life right now. Yet, I am not upset or disappointed.
I have come to realize that while I like to have something to strive for, I also want to follow the flow of my life and let the universe guide where I am supposed to be. I have dreams, and I want to achieve them, but I am willing to not follow a straight path to make them happen.
And honestly, I have always felt like the whole “five-year plan” thing was a little crazy. My life changes so much in just one year, trying to plan for five years away is just a crazy thought for me. I want to be able to follow my curiosity and create my life, not just follow a plan to get somewhere specific.
So, this year for my birthday, I am giving myself freedom. Freedom to follow an unknown course. Freedom to explore. Freedom to take chances. Freedom to realize my true light and give it to the world.