Secrets

I hate keeping secrets.

I think they eat me up from the inside out.

I like to talk and get things out in the open because I think secrets just eat away at trust and they eat away at relationships. I wanted to write this blog so that I wouldn’t have any more secrets. Putting my life on display makes me feel so much better. I am holding nothing back at this point.

And that makes me feel great. I just assume that everyone is reading the blog (even though I know they probably aren’t), and that helps me move my life along without worrying about other people’s opinions. This blog is my truth, and you don’t have to like it, but I hope it helps you understand.

But, there are times in adulting where you just encounter secrets, and you have to keep them.

I am currently having to do that at work, and I feel like I am stuck in a whirlpool and can’t get out.

Keeping secrets is making me not a nice person.

I haven’t been sleeping well because I have anxiety over the secrets.

I am lashing out at people because of the lack of sleep and anxiety.

I love my job, but for the last couple of weeks, I haven’t wanted to be there.

So, I am considering leaving this job that I love because I am starting to feel like the secrets are making it more toxic to me than I can really handle. I don’t want to do that, and so it is making me very sad.

My brain and my body are telling me I need a change, so I decided yesterday, to do a few things that would help me move on if I needed to leave. Update the resume, maybe add a new skill or two to my toolbox. Give me some new strategies to get out of the whirlpool.

I am still anxious. I am still getting eaten up. But I feel like I can start on a path to lessen these things now.

This is today’s truth. 🙂